3 Ways To Stop Your Entanglements From Holding You Hostage

By now, you’ve probably heard about Will and Jada’s Red Table Talk. If you haven’t scroll through social media real quick and get caught up.

All caught up?

Alright. So if you heard nothing else you heard Jada mention her “Entanglement.” And you likely saw that after a careful nudge from Will, she admits that she is referring to a romantic entanglement or relationship.

And I’d bet that if you take just a moment…

Go Ahead.

Let’s all take a Pause…

You see, the thing about entanglements is that they are not always romantic relationships. They can be mistakes, failures or feelings of inadequacy and no matter what form they come in…They all do one thing and that is create a barrier.

The difficulty with barriers is that if they are never broken, the hostage will forever be held bound. And when a person is bound by something, they lose the ability to progress and move forward.

Can you think of a few entanglements in your own life that you have allowed to hold you back?

In this post, I’m providing 3 ways to stop your entanglements from holding you hostage.

1. Recognize Your Entanglement

You can call it an entanglement, a mistake or even a shortcoming. It doesn’t matter what you call it as long as you recognize it exists. It is important to understand that the situation, did in fact occur. It’s best not to waste time and potentially even years of your life trying to convince yourself that it didn’t happen or pushing it to the back of your mind, hoping that in doing so, you will make it all go away.

Failing to come to terms with your entanglement and the inability to face it head on can ultimately lead to years of trying to make everything seem fine. What I’ve learned in my lifetime is that, “it’s okay to not be okay.” Because you certainly don’t want to find yourself one day wondering how so many years have passed yet your life has remained the same.

2. Identify Why Your Entanglement Happened

Now this might take more than just your own ability to get to the root of the issue. But I do believe that by doing the work necessary to identify why we do the things we do and why make the choices we have made in the past is a freeing moment all on its own.

I am an advocate for seeking the help of a licensed therapist, pastor or even someone who may have been in a similar situation and was able to overcome it. But, like I always say, when you are deciding who to get advice from ensure you are choosing wise counsel. Because not everyone shares good advice nor do they have the best of intentions.

Getting to the root of the matter will help you prevent future entanglements from occurring and may also aid you in the process of breaking free and will prevent your entanglements from holding you hostage.

3. Forgive Yourself.

“I knew better.”

“I never should have done that.”

“How could I be so naïve?” 

Do any of those statements sound familiar?

Now that you have identified that you indeed were entangled and why you may have become entangled it is time to FORGIVE YOURSELF.

Granting forgiveness to others seems to be a tough pill to swallow but there are those who find even greater difficulty in forgiving themselves. 

The fact of the matter is that the entanglement or situation happened. And until you have truly forgiven yourself you’ll continue to fester and hold on to the past which ultimately will stop you from progressing into your future.

Your failure to forgive yourself will allow your entanglements to continue to hold you hostage. You may even discover that you are unable to enjoy the present moments because you have not forgiven yourself and are still holding onto the past.

Forgiveness has a lot to do with recognizing that you DESERVE forgiveness. It is necessary to extend grace especially to yourself.

This is life.

It’s a marathon.

Mistakes will undoubtedly be made. And sometimes, they will be made often.

And in my own life I’ve seen similar scenarios repeat themselves until I FINALLY get the message.

So in life, lessons will be learned.

If you fail, embrace the lesson and know that you can pause and gather yourself.

But do not…

I repeat…

Do not dwell in that place and give yourself an overflow of grace so that your entanglements are no longer allowed to hold you hostage and you have the freedom to move forward.

Jada and Will’s Red Table Talk identified that entanglements exist in many different forms. We are all susceptible and have likely experienced one or more entanglements in our own lives.

And if you haven’t experienced an entanglement or two, do like my grandmother used to say and “just keep living.” And only then will you see what life is all about.

If you find yourself in a hostage situation, know that you hold the key to freeing yourself.

It may require seeking help from a professional or others but once you identify that you have been held bound you can take the steps to be set free. And even if you become entangled at some point in the future, you will be better equipped to identify the red flags of a potential entanglement and walk away before you can be held bound again.

Now that you’ve recognized your entanglement will you take the steps necessary to be free?

What will it take to let go?